Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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