I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
