ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
