My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
