Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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