This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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