Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
