woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
