how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
