Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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