my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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