I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
