Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are my feet made of real feet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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