The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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