can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
