so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
