I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
