Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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