he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
