Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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