I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
