Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize