He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
