I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
