and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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