I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My hand turned me down
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
