first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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