Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
