what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
