just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
