the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
