Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
