Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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