4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
