He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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