And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
