i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
