i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
