found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think a kid would responsible me up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
