i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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