He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
