Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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