Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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