Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize