I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
