You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
