I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
