Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
