I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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