just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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