just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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