My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
