Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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