o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
