I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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