ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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