Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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