Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
