Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
