The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
