She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
