I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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