i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
