She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
