Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
