Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
