I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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