just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
