Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
