Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
