You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
