so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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