he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
