your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
