my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
